Thursday, April 18, 2013

Polyamory (What the Heart Wants...) - 18/30

We're seriously eighteen days (and thus eighteen poems) in already?! This is nuts!

Today's poem came by way of a particularly terrifying dream, one on the more heartbreaking side of the spectrum.


Polyamory (What the Heart Wants...) 

When my heart started whispering hints
to the rest of me, I foresaw no fault
in its polyamorous desire. Go, love
whomever you must love. I
am secure in this, our relationship.

What I failed to consider
was the misericord-like pinch
I would feel between my shoulder blades
during those nights when the bed
of my chest was left empty,

the lightning striking down my arm
as it reached to turn bedroom doorknobs
without the selfishness needed
to complete the motion's
lifesaving twist.

I thought nothing
of my heart's want to wander,
but this…the sensation of my body
collapsing upon itself one
breath at a time

while this organ,
the most essential part of me,
pounds its exhalations
upon the body of another…
How could I have agreed to this?

My breath is shallow,
mere wisps of bygone laughter
and I can only sit beside the door
and hear my heart beat that song
I thought surely was only for me.

My heart,
I let you go
not knowing just how quickly
life would withdraw from my lips
without you there to redden them.

The fault is mine,
a bear trap of my own making
now gnawing away at my extensions,
for not telling you more plainly
how I cannot live without you.

The fault does not lie in your desire,
but in how mutely I regarded mine,
the uselessness of useful tongues.
Heart, please hear these whispers.
I will be here. I have nowhere else to go.

1 comment:

  1. this is heart-wrenching, the pain in the spaces between the words. nightmarish, indeed.