Friday, April 12, 2013

Macy's Rant - 12/30

It's Friday! That means the weekend is nigh! Well, for you all. I have to go to work tomorrow...wanna know where I work? Really wanna know? Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Macy's Rant 

You must think your customers are stupid.
You must think your employees are slaves.

These are the only reasons that can justify
the idiotic way you treat both of them.

Macy's, you're a piece of work,
and by work, I mean the work

of a dog squatting over someone's
freshly mown lawn.

Only you, with your rectum-incensed proboscis,
would have the audacity

to host a 1-Day Sale for 2 days,
and think your manipulation isn't showing.

Macy's, you've got a smile like a bus stop toilet seat.
There's so much crap seething between your teeth

I wonder if your toothpicks don't come
with plunger-heads.

Sure! Stuff your employees into unpaid shifts,
propped up behind registers like Botox-lipped

Sonmis (and no, you won't get that reference, Macy's,
because you don't have time

between your incessant pandering
to do anything that doesn't bleed someone).

I've worked routes through your labyrinth for years.
Nobody knows the master's business

more than the one charged with cleaning it up,
my cart and bucket in hand.

"You know, if you buy $100 worth of stuff you don't need,
you can get some more stuff you don't need for FREE!"

"Golly gee willikers! That's a deal
worth depriving my children of nourishment for!"

Macy's, I want to stab you in the face.
If you had a face to stab, I would stab it.

Just know this.
Every time you flush your unethical packing-peanut-crap

thinking no one will know how vile you are…
I'll be there to clean it up.

I know all your secrets,
you stupid, stupid company.

* * *

I'm not normally one for rants, but today's prompt (coupled with the absence of a paycheck that should have been in my bank account...) brought this furious little monster to fruition.
And now, the prompt. (Again, the prompt is totally optional). Today’s offering comes to us from Charles Bernstein’s list of poetry experiments. In particular, today I challenge you to “write a poem consisting entirely of things you’d like to say, but never would, to a parent, lover, sibling, child, teacher, roommate, best friend, mayor, president, corporate CEO, etc.” Honesty is the best policy, after all, so get it off your chest! And if you’re interested in the complete list of experiments, you can find them all here.

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